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A Passion for Mentoring

An interview with Alicia Britt Chole

WIM recently visited with Alicia about her passion for ministry through mentoring, or “life-on-life” investment in others.

WIM: Alicia, mentoring is clearly part of the fabric of your life. It flows so naturally out of what you do. Where did this passion for ministry through mentoring come from?

Chole: I came to Christ in part because two girls gave me something more than information; they gave me what I call the “present of presence.” They came along side me, bringing the presence of God with them and investing their lives in mine.

When we come to Christ, God gives us the present of presence. He is God with us. After these girls, God sent me other women who came along side me, saw God’s hand on me, believed in me, and encouraged my growth process. One of my first personal Bible studies was walking through the gospels verse by verse and looking at Jesus as a mentor – the questions He asked, when and how He spoke. My understanding of Jesus as a mentor, and my personal experience of life-on-life investment, compelled me to begin investing in other people.

WIM: You are well known for mentoring. How do you choose your mentees?

Chole: That process has varied through the years with different contexts and different seasons of life. As a campus minister, I would teach on Jesus’ example of mentoring, offer the opportunity for students to sign up for mentoring groups, and then prayerfully match up students with mentors. Now as a married mom of three energetic children, I’m not able to put up sign up sheets. Normally at their initiative, I prayerfully commit to mentoring no more than 3-4 women in proximity each season.

I probably have to decline the opportunity to mentor several young women each year. But I know that the greatest gift I can give to those I have to say “no” to is to be faithful to those God has called me to say “yes” to.

For example, Leila approached me about a mentoring relationship. I asked her my questions and she asked me hers. Afterward I told her, “What I can offer is not what you need. Let’s develop our friendship and see what the future brings.” So she waited a year until our season to walk together emerged. Both of us feel it was worth the wait.

Saying “no” or “let’s wait” can be difficult. But we as leaders need to be willing to pay the price of other’s disappointment in order to remain true to our call and the space God has given us to steward.

WIM: Sometimes we’re reluctant to mentor someone else because we don’t have a good idea of how a mentoring relationship should look. How do you structure your mentoring relationships?

Chole: Mentoring is cooperating with God in how He is growing people. It is pointing people toward God and not yourself.

People get hung up and fixated on the form of mentoring. Almost any form will work if you wrap it around the biblical substance, which I believe is “with-ship.” There are many models, but what Jesus demonstrated was “with-ship”: shoulder to shoulder relational investment.

There are several questions I ask someone that helps me understand how God is growing them. Then I try to customize what I’m doing to compliment what God is doing.

I have several mentoring tools that I use most of the time. But I try to be fluid and adjust to the needs of whoever I’m investing in. That’s part of being an effective teacher – adjusting style to need.

WIM: What are your favorite or most-used mentoring tools?

Chole: I usually start with a series of questions that give me insight into a mentee’s wiring and God-concept. I ask,

• If you could do anything in the whole wide world, and if money and people’s expectations weren’t issues, what would you do?
• When you come to God’s mind, what adjectives does God use to describe you?

Then we create a covenant, share personal histories, and I ask her to do a personal inventory in order to begin intentionally partnering with God in how He is growing her. An example of these can be found at my website (www.onewholeworld.com). From that inventory, we’ll take one or two items and focus on them. Very rarely do we get through it all. And very rarely in the beginning do they pick the area I would have picked. But I walk through the door they open for me. As trust grows, the other more needy areas will open up in time.

WIM: You begin a mentoring relationship by creating a covenant. Tell us more about that.

Chole: A covenant is simply an agreement in print in which we identify clearly why we’re getting together. What is our purpose? We put it right there on paper. We talk about what this is going to look like – expectations, confidentiality, time commitment, time frame (how long we are going to meet), what we need, what we have to give. I’ve seen some covenants that are eight pages long. But after twenty years of mentoring, I normally can keep it to just one hand-written page now. Once we agree upon the contents, we commit our intentions to the Lord in prayer.

A covenant takes care of a lot of potential challenges, like, “How do I bring closure, especially if it’s not a good fit?” Over the years, I’ve come to realize that there are some personalities I work better with than others. If we spend time up front communicating and clarifying expectations, it goes a long way toward preventing problems and avoiding messy changes later.

WIM: What are some of the rewards you receive when you invest in mentoring women?

Chole: Having a front row seat to watch the growth of godly character in their lives! I look back at these young women and see that they are women of deep and enduring character. That brings me to tears. They are women who know it is more important to be with Jesus than to be doing something for Jesus. The intimacy they cultivate with Christ is profound. I’m so proud of them.

It’s also rewarding because it’s biblical. Jesus modeled coming along side of people and investing in the few among the many – believing in them, cultivating godly character in them, and sending them out.

Mentoring keeps me close to Jesus and helps me feel His heartbeat. I don’t do it because my personality is so inclined, or because my season of life has space. I do it because Jesus did it. He set the example. In truth, I believe that our generation doesn’t have the time not to mentor.

To those women who may be reading this interview – begin by initiating coffee with just one soul. Pray for that person. Point her toward Jesus. Give her what God has given you, the “present of presence!”

You can find our more about Alicia’s passion for mentoring by visiting www.onewholeworld.com.

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