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In This Issue...
Articles
- A Theology of Humor by Cheryl Taylor
- Ministering With Humor by Stephanie Nance
- Christian Leaders Having Fun? by Pam Morton with Kathy Jingling
- The Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter by Dwenda Gjerdingen, MD, MS
Resources
Book Reviews
- Anatomy of an Illness by Norman Cousins
- The Purse-Driven Life by Anita Renfroe
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Mentoring Pastors’ Wives
An Interview with Teri Herndon
Teri is a mother of two, Joshua and Janae, a wife of 23 years, and an ordained minister. She and her husband, Jay, have been in ministry together for 25 years, as youth pastors, associates, and senior pastors. Now living in Elk Grove, California, Teri enjoys serving and traveling in the Northern California/Nevada District where Jay is the Secretary/Treasurer.
WIM: It is exciting to hear about your mentoring ministry to pastors’ wives. How did you become interested in mentoring?
Hendon: I would call it more of a support group, although we do help women to learn practical ways of managing the personal challenges of ministry, and so I suppose that could be called mentoring. I call the groups Care Groups. I became interested in this kind of ministry because I was once a member of a similar group during a critical time when my husband and I were pastoring. I found it incredibly helpful, so I wanted others to experience it. It is no secret that the two things that many pastors’ wives deal with are loneliness and having a safe place to be real. And I want to be an avenue to provide those for them.
WIM: When and how did you get started?
I became interested in this kind of ministry because I was once a member of a similar group during a critical time when my husband and I were pastoring.
Hendon: After serving along side my husband for more than 20 years in the pastorate, my husband was elected as the secretary/treasurer for our district. I knew that God would have a ministry for me there as well. So about a year later, Care Groups were born. I began with two pilot groups in September 2006. Those have been concluded, and now I am in the process of starting up four more throughout our district in the next couple months. The pastors’ wives in the pilot groups were personally invited to participate. They were friends and acquaintances. For future groups, I have collected approximately 60 names of pastors’ wives who are interested in being in a Care Group. All their names came from only two public announcements. To me that shows the need for this type of ministry to our pastors’ wives.
WIM: What is your goal in mentoring these women?
Hendon: It is summed up in our mission’s statement: The Care Group is a safe place for pastors’ wives to come to share their needs and concerns, to receive encouragement, support and care, and to pray for one another and to be prayed for.
WIM: What is the length of the mentoring period?
Hendon: We meet once a month for six months. We spend 1 ½ to 2 hours together per meeting.
WIM: How large is a Care Group?
Hendon: One of the pilot groups had three ladies and the other six. If you add more than that, it becomes challenging to have enough time for all the ladies to share. And once a group is established, it is closed to new members. This creates a sense of safety. Also, realizing that the needs of senior pastors’ wives vary from staff pastors’ wives, I am keeping the groups separate. Again, this is to create a comfort level.
WIM: What is the agenda of the Care Group meetings?
Hendon: Care Groups are discussion groups. We talk about things that are relevant to women in ministry. I prepare discussion topics for four of the meetings: Expectations, Relationships, Handling Conflict, and Dealing with Negative Emotions. Then the group will choose two topics for remaining meetings. The location is important to me. We meet in someone’s home, away from the church, for an intimate setting. We start with a short time of food and fellowship, and then I introduce the topic for discussion. I will pose a situation or story from scripture that relates to the topic to generate conversation. The ladies may choose to share something they are presently or recently experienced as it relates to the topic. Once they become comfortable, they are eager to tell their stories because they feel they are in a safe place with caring ears. I then share some practical strategies for dealing with those issues. We conclude our time by praying for one another.
WIM: What has been the response?
Hendon: The evaluations from the pilot groups were positive. One woman said she did not realize how valuable it would be. Some appreciated the friendships that developed. Others commented that the topics were not typical “ladies’ group discussion,” but it was what they needed. I thank the Lord for that good response!
One thing that I found so valuable was having a mix of generations and ethnic groups. There is so much we can learn from one another.
WIM: What are the highs and lows? Or what are the challenges involved?
Hendon: The highs for me are that these groups seem to be meeting a need. I am excited to see them grow and develop. The challenges are logistical and personal ones. The Northern California/Nevada district is large and includes 430 churches. Traveling is a challenge is for me as I do not like to drive or travel by myself, but I am committed to travel to the ladies and not to ask them to come to me or the district office. It is much larger than one person’s ministry, and so another challenge is to develop other leaders to assist me. Another challenge is that the ladies approach the first meetings cautiously. Many admitted that it takes about four months to develop enough trust to share openly, and some require even longer.
WIM: What has contributed to the success of this ministry?
Hendon: I would not call it success yet. It has not stood the test of time, although I do realize there is a need for a ministry such as this and I am willing and desirous to serve the Lord in this way to spite the challenges. I need to mention a few faithful friends who pray for me and the Care Groups. Any good thing comes from the Father above,
WIM: Share a story about one of your mentoring experiences.
Hendon: When we talked about managing conflict – and who doesn’t experience conflict in ministry? –
I gave them a short test to identify their personal ways of dealing with a particular conflict. This proved to be insightful for several of the ladies. One lady was surprised to discover that there were other ways to manage her conflict other than avoiding it. In this particular case, she learned she could negotiate and be satisfied with the end results. This is an example of a “non-typical ladies’ group discussion.”
WIM: Is there anything else you would like to add?
Hendon: One thing that I found so valuable was having a mix of generations and ethnic groups. There is so much we can learn from one another. Long gone are the days where the large majority of pastors’ wives grew up in a pastor’s home or even a Christian home. Many do not have any pastoral role models or ministry friends. The Care Groups meet these needs together. I am excited about the foundations for friendships that have developed and how many continue to meet one-on-one.
