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Winning the Respect of the Team

An Interview with Kate Gordon

WIM: Please describe the ministry team that you are a part of at Network of Hope.

Gordon: We have a paid staff of nine individuals and a volunteer staff of 300. I also work with about 15 senior pastors from other churches to plant Network of Hope sites in their churches as well.

WIM: How did your ministry role develop from the beginning at Allison Park Church?

Gordon: Allison Park is my home church, so I "cut my teeth" in ministry there. I have served in various leadership roles at the church since I was a teenager. When I returned to Pittsburgh after 4 years of college and missions work, the church offered me an extended internship that developed into a full-time position. I began as the Master's Commission director in 1998 and then moved into the role of children's pastor. In 2002, the church wanted to launch Network of Hope, and I took the job after 8 months of searching for another leader.

WIM: What advantages do you see in working on a dual-gender ministry team?

Gordon: The greatest advantage is balance and perspective. God created men and women differently, yet we were designed to work as a husband-and-wife team in the family structure. There is no greater force on earth than a husband and wife working together. I believe the same is true for ministry. When men and women work together, the team they form has tremendous force, energy, and resilience. Creativity, compassion, and strategy all flow from them working together.

WIM: What challenges have you experienced in being on a dual-gender ministry team?

Gordon: One of the greatest challenges is communication - as in marriage. Men and women see the world through different lenses. Without communication, issues can be misinterpreted, feelings can get hurt, and misunderstandings can develop.

Another challenge is creating a culture of openness. Team members must feel safe enough to share their thoughts, opinions, and needs without fear of being trampled on or being looked at as weak or insubordinate.

The whole communication issue is probably the biggest hurdle I have had. By nature, I am sensitive about words spoken to or about me. Even though I grew up in a home with six guys and only three girls, I sometimes forget that men communicate much more directly. When I first started at APC, I took everything to heart, and I did not feel that I could voice my opinion since I was the new kid on the block. After about a year of internalizing these feelings, I spewed out a year's worth of things spoken to me that hurt me. Another lesson: Most men forget about stuff as soon as it's off their chests, but women somehow have a tremendous capacity for memory storage. Although I can never remember where I put my keys.

As Pastor Jeff Leake and I worked through all this, I realized he wanted me to voice my needs and concerns, and that unless I did, no one - man or woman - would be able to help me. I began learning how to communicate respectfully, and at the right time to get my ideas and concerns across to the team. And an amazing thing started to happen - I began to gain the trust and respect of the entire team. My thoughts and opinions were valued, and I learned that I added great value to the team.

WIM: What are some qualities you have appreciated in your pastor that facilitated a healthy working relationship among team members?

Gordon: Pastor Jeff is a great man and a great leader. He is not afraid of conflict and sometimes even creates it to get the team communicating.

Another attribute I love about his leadership is that he hires leaders and expects them to run their areas with excellence. He sees himself more as a coach than as a manager. You are free to build your area of ministry, and he is right there helping you dream and vision-cast, but he does not take responsibility for your area. It's all yours, and you are held accountable for the job you do.

Another great quality of Jeff's is that he sees women as equals - colaborers in the work of God. So it's an even-playing field from the start.

WIM: Are there questions women should consider to determine if they are a fit for a ministry team or organization that previously may have been an all-male team?

Gordon: Women need to ask several questions. First, are you called there by God? My dad taught me to stay focused on my call and not on what's happening in the moment. So when times get tough, I know I'm sticking it out because this is where I am called to serve. Secondly, do you enjoy spending most of your day with guys? This seems silly, but some women love the company of other women and don't enjoy being around groups of men. If that's the case, then I would hesitate to join a male-dominated team. For me, I have always hung out with guys more than girls, so it's been a natural fit. And thirdly, what is your attitude? Are you going to contribute to the team, or do you have a mission to change the team? People in general do not appreciate others who come with an agenda so strong that every move they make is because of that agenda.

WIM: What suggestions would you have for women who want to gain and maintain the respect of male colleagues on a dual-gender team?

Gordon: The first thing is to learn to communicate effectively, with respect and timeliness. General leadership issues always arise, so I try to stay abreast of new information or ideas so I can add value to the conversation. The vast majority of the time you should not talk out of your emotions. Men have a keen sense or radar for when women get emotional, and that often causes men to shut down. There are times, however, when being emotional is a legitimate and correct form of communication.

The second thing is to understand what makes male colleagues tick. Listen to what they talk about among themselves and take interest in those things. I love to scrapbook, but I know never to bring up my latest scrapbook design when I'm sitting around the table with five guys. Instead, we have major sport fanatics on our team, so I keep up with a fair amount of what's happening during the different seasons.

WIM: In what ways have you adapted your communication style when sharing ideas with male pastors and staff? How are these different from when you communicate with women colleagues?

Gordon: With men, I try to be concise. I try not to give much detail, but just what I am expecting or needing from them. The operative word is "try." Even last weekend I failed miserably in leading a conversation because I could not frame the issues in a way guys could understand.

With guys, I jump right into the heat of battle, disagreeing and stating my opinion. With women, I use a lot more emotion, and I am vulnerable in my approach. I'm much more at ease because this is my "native" language. Women understand what I'm saying.

WIM: As a leader in ministry, you are responsible for initiating and implementing new ideas or plans. Have you felt any specific pressure as a woman in carrying out your tasks?

Gordon: I have been blessed to be part of a church that appreciates women. Although I was the first woman in a paid leadership position, most of our ministries have been led by women. My mom has been one of those women, leading many of the new outreach initiatives that came from APC. I have never given much thought to the fact that I'm a woman in a leadership position. The only pressure I feel is making our dreams a successful reality.

WIM: How would you categorize your relationship with men on your ministry team?

Gordon: This is such a timely question. I was talking to another woman about this yesterday. Before I was even a teenager, I was always "one of the guys." Not that I'm a big tomboy - although I can hold my own on the basketball court with any of them - but I have always enjoyed hanging out and having fun with them. I got married a year ago and now I'm 5 months pregnant. It is funny now to watch the guys because they have realized that I'm different from them. It hasn't changed our working relationships, but I see a change in their faces and sometimes hear it in the tone of their voices. It makes me laugh every time it happens. Now I can insist that they have to be nice to me because I'm with child.

WIM: Have there been situations where your ideas or plans have been rerouted, led in another direction, or not taken seriously because of your gender? How did you handle these situations?

Gordon: These situations may have happened in my first year of ministry, but over the past 7 years I cannot think of an instance when my ideas or plans were shot down because I'm a woman. They have been shot down plenty of times for other reasons, but not because of my gender. Again, I'm so blessed in this area.

WIM: You are an advocate of young women in ministry in your area. What are your greatest concerns as they join dual-gender teams?

Gordon: The greatest concern I have for any young person entering ministry - male or female - is how they will deal with disillusionment. Every young person has a utopian idea of what ministry should look like, and the reality is often different. My greatest advice is to find a mentor, someone who has walked the road before you and can encourage you when you are down, and rebuke you when your thoughts and/or actions are misaligned.

As for working on a dual-gender team: Stay focused on your call and let your actions win the respect of the team. Jeannie Mayo spoke this into my life while I was at college. She told a group of us, "Do not wear the fact that you are a woman as a chip on your shoulder, trying to prove your way in ministry. Rather focus on the people God has called you to, and He will open the doors for you to minister and lead."

WIM: Kate, although you are young, you have been successful at collaborating with male colleagues. You have earned respect as a leader in your own right. Do you have any more to add as to how to be effective when working with male coleaders?

Gordon: I would add to look at ministry as an adventure. It will have twists and turns, but that is part of the journey. Ultimately, if we believe God is in control of our lives, then He will be the one to lead us through.

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