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Beauty for Ashes: Ministry Following Devastation

Interview with Carol Carpenter

WIM: Carol, life as you knew it was literally devastated when your husband walked out on your family? When did you begin to sense God was going to use this situation to lead you into a new direction? How did you feel about that change?

Carpenter: My prayer from the day Tim disappeared was that God would be glorified in whatever happened. I had no idea what I was praying for at that point! During the first few years I continued to hope that Tim would return to our marriage, and I believed we would have a ministry to couples. It was only after the divorce that I began to realize the call was still persistent in my spirit, and that it was compelling me to move forward. I was determined that by God’s grace the pain I had experienced would be given meaning through helping others, showing them the powerful truth in the simple words, “Jesus loves me.”

WIM: What were some key incidents or people God used to confirm that new direction, before it began to take shape. What did God use to encourage you while the dreams began to grow?

During the early months of this journey, I was afraid the destruction of my marriage, and especially the divorce, negated the possibility of my having a ministry. I felt unworthy. To the best of my ability, I had always lived a life up to that point that I believed was a godly example. I was a leader, and I was comfortable with that. But when the effects of sin darkened my experience I immediately felt unworthy, sullied by experiences over which I had no control. In the midst of that, my friends and the leadership of our church provided loving and consistent reassurance that their respect for and trust in me was unchanged. Without demanding more than I could give, they motivated me by assuming my ability to continue. The turning point for me was reading Romans 11:29: “For God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.” I was free to use the gifts and respond to the call without any personal uncertainty. I realized that if my ministry dreams were truly an outgrowth of my commitment to serving God and bringing Him glory, then they were also His dreams, His plans, for me and for my life.

I will always be thankful for the music of the church during this time. It was as if every song I sang with the choir was my testimony. The worship music washed over my spirit with reassurance that God was as close as the mere whisper of a song. I remember singing “I Need You More” with tears streaming down my face. It was so reassuring to be able to express my deep need and realize my expressing it to Him in that way was not only healing to me, but a blessing to Him. I kept crying out, “I need you more than I ever have before.” He kept giving me a reassurance of His Father love for me.

WIM: With the growth of your ministry, I am struck with the very practical steps you have taken: from charting your books, to getting them published, to printing your brochures. God has definitely been your inspiration, but you have been very wise in the way you’ve approached things. Tell us a little bit about that, and a little about the people involved. What have you learned?

Carpenter: One of the first things I realized after accepting God’s call to minister, especially to hurting women, was that I couldn’t do it alone. If I were to be effective, I had to communicate in as many ways as possible, to as many people as possible, at every opportunity. I’m fairly practical by nature, so it seemed clear to me that I needed to multiply myself if I were to take on the challenge God had given. That meant having a presence when and where I couldn’t personally be present. Both print and electronic media were tools for that purpose. I was blessed with a very good friend who was able to help me put together the “basics” of a brochure, business cards, stationery, and even a simple website.

Beyond that, the core of women (my “posse”) with whom I surrounded myself encouraged me to get my message down in writing. Books and articles could go so many places I never would! Writing has always been my “first love” ministry. As a team, we brainstormed my niche, what I had to say and how I could say it that would give me both credibility and exposure. We talked about what we were finding in Christian bookstores, and what we weren’t, and how that fit with who I am and what my ministry is. My problem has not been ideas for what to write, but time and discipline to get it all done! I’m so thankful for the groundwork the Lord laid in my life previous to this time: owning and operating both a Christian bookstore and our own publishing company. The knowledge and experience I gained in those two endeavors has been invaluable.

WIM: You’ve mentioned elsewhere the value of accountability. What do you see as the importance of accountability in birthing a ministry or a dream God has placed on a woman’s heart?

Carpenter: The value of accountability in both the Christian life and ministry is incredible. There is a definite reason God has put us in a spiritual body of believers. We need each other. First, we need the encouragement and fellowship that comes from being a part of a group of believers in relationship. But beyond that, I believe there is an issue of what I think of as relational stewardship. I value and believe I must use wisely the relational opportunities God gives me. I could so easily have veered off in unproductive or counter-productive directions without the accountability my “posse” and other friends have provided, which would be a poor use of my resources.

Dreaming can be exciting—but can also send us off in passionate confusion! To have people around who would rein me in as needed or prod me along when necessary, were healthy choices I made in the beginning in developing Heart’s Focus as a ministry.

The other side of that is that we can’t all do everything. There are people to whom I’m accountable whose ministry gift is to do just that. If I failed to tap into what they offer me in that respect, they would lose as much as I would. Too often we think if we can’t speak or take a leadership role we aren’t “in ministry.” The fact is, we need every part of the body to have a healthy ministry. When that happens, we are all more effective and God certainly receives greater glory.

WIM: You’ve already published two books and started a ministry of speaking and ministering to women. But you have even bigger dreams! Tell us a little about them. Do you have ideas as to how God will accomplish some of them?

Carpenter: Writing and speaking are, and will continue to be, the basics of my spiritual diet. But I have no intention of stopping there! During the time since my husband left me I have obviously gone through tremendous personal struggles. At times I really needed to get away, to escape just for a while from the pressures of my situation. I wanted to run away from the distractions. But to go away I had to have a place to go. I had at least two issues in that respect. First, I didn’t feel safe as a single woman traveling alone after years of having the security of a man with me. Second, the places to get away generally included a hotel; and hotels usually meant seeing couples. I really didn’t want to watch couples enjoying what I was agonizing over losing!

Out of those frustrations has grown a desire to offer a women’s retreat center – I’ve called it Heart to Heart House, as a working “title.” It would be a safe place, secure and comfortable. My dream is for it to offer physical, spiritual, and emotional help—a library of resources, accessible counseling, pampering, and plenty of coffee and chocolate!

Realistically, the type of facility I am envisioning is totally beyond my financial and business resources. But I have confidence that any dream birthed by the Spirit will come in God’s timing and with His assistance. I trust Him to send resources my way in the form of investors, grants—miracles. Already, as I have mentioned the vision I have for helping others, I’ve encountered women who have resources and abilities that I believe will eventually help make Heart to Heart House a reality. I’m not rushing God on this. I realize I have a major responsibility to do what He has called me to do through Heart’s Focus. But I also believe in dreaming big. I have faith God can and will help me to put the pieces together in His way.

WIM: I know many with a heart for ministry are dreaming big dreams, some of them birthed out of great pain. Do you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for them?

Carpenter: I’m not deep. My words of greatest encouragement are simply “Jesus loves you.” When believed and carried out to their logical conclusion, those words are life changing and life giving. Because He loves you, He has a plan for your life; and that plan is good. I believe all of life is a gift from Him. However, some of it comes in what I call “rough wrapping.” The appearance of the gift may not be attractive, may even be somewhat repulsive at first glance. But when we rip through the wrapping—which may be sickness, divorce, failure, any of life’s storms—we find God’s presence. He is our gift in life. But we have to trust Him, to put our complete faith in Him before He is revealed under the rough wrapping.

I have learned never to hide behind my pain nor run from it. It truly is in the storm that we receive our greatest revelation of God’s majesty and His love for us. I encourage women to acknowledge your storm, see Jesus in the midst of the storm, and grab onto every resource He places within your reach. If we live with conscious passion and make Him our heart’s focus, He truly does make all things possible.

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