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Perspective of a "Pastor's Husband"

Greg has a business and pastoral ministries degree and works full-time for an automotive dealership. Jennifer is a full-time associate Pastor. They have been married for nine years and have two boys, ages 3 and 1.

You were married before Jennifer became a pastor. How have your lives changed since she went on staff at a church?

We’re definitely more social and more involved with people’s lives. Sometimes we have less time to ourselves because, well, she has a job. And there are after-hours commitments as well. I don’t always enjoy it, but it is good for me because when you’re in fellowship with believers, you’re always encouraged by the conversations you have. You hear more about what God is doing in other people’s lives.

If do find myself more involved in church because of her position, but I don’t harbor any hard feelings. I’ve had to do several things that I would never have chosen to do on my own, and found a new joy because of it. I have been scared to do some of these things, but in turn I have grown in new areas.

When your wife became a pastor, what kind of concerns did you have?

My concerns were about time—will I ever see her again? I also wondered how the church would accept her. I had concerns about my place as a member. What would the church expect of me? Would I have to play the piano or sing? There were also safety concerns because she would be out on visitation in the evenings.

What has proved to be the real challenges?

The time issue, especially when there are big projects going on, is the one issue that stands out. I have my own job as well, so when she is busy, that means more is needed from everyone else.

What do you do to cope with these busy times?

I try to give more of my time, or to be more helpful with duties around the house. At church I try to be helpful there by helping set up tables, take down signs, and so on. Sometimes I’ll call people when she asks me to. I know, though, that she doesn’t just expect that I’ll help out with her projects. She really tries to get other volunteers first before she calls me. I’m kind of the “last resort” guy.

When things get too busy, usually one or both of us knows it and we try to figure out what we need to cut out. We know that things get more difficult for us when we don’t spend good quality time together, so we make more of an effort to be alone together. That’s not easy with kids, but we try!

What are some of the benefits of having a wife who is a minister?

I think the primary benefit is my relationship with people. I know more people and at a deeper level than I probably would otherwise. I think I also experience a sense of respect among the people just because I’m her husband. I imagine a pastor’s wife feels the same way.

Of course, the tax benefit is nice!

How does her position of spiritual leadership in the church impact your position of spiritual leadership at home?

Her position actually reminds me that I am the spiritual head of the household and that I need to make sure that I play that role. She plays a certain role at church, and I play a certain role at home. People see her as the pastor, but they also see me as the spiritual head of my family. I always try to support her and encourage her. That is my role as a husband.

You have children. What are some of the positive and negative impacts of “mommy” as the minister

She can’t spend as much time with the kids as she’d like. There are times when they are clingy, or want mommy. Thankfully her job is flexible enough that she can slip away for a little while and spend some special time with them. For example, she had a fussy child the other night, right when a Bible study was about to begin, and I wasn’t available. So she asked a capable person to open the service, and bought 15 more minutes to calm our little one down.

I know she’s also been frustrated when one of our kids isn’t feeling so good and we both have to come to church. We don’t have family around to help out, so we sometimes have to bring a sick child with us. That’s not ideal, of course, but it’s reality sometimes. We just try to get home as soon as possible.

Positively, there is always someone willing to help out with the kids. There is always someone who understands the issue and is willing to give of their time. Our kids are loved on by some wonderful people! Overall, they benefit from mom being a pastor because they are building great interpersonal skills by being surrounded by people all the time. Our kids happen to be very social, and so they love that. They are always asking when they can go to church again.

What encouragement would you give to another guy whose wife is a minister?

“Let go and let God.” By that I mean that you need to let her have her place at church. Let her be who God has called her to be. That really is your place—to love your wife and to support her in her calling. That will help you in the long run because she will become the person God wants her to be. You’ll help her fulfill her potential. A happy woman leads to a happy marriage!

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