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Removing Gender Barriers in Ministry
While Building Healthy Sexual Boundaries

By Gary R. Allen, D.Min.

Tension exists between men and women in the church. We verbalize a theology that men and women are equal, but in ministry function, even after 2,000 years, there are unnecessary and unjustified boundaries. In a sexually perverse society and in an environment where gender roles are being attacked and redefined, the church needs to be clear in its theology and ministry models. As the community of faith, we are obligated to proclaim and demonstrate the true role of men and women without succumbing to the sexual degeneration of our society. And we, as individuals, are responsible to do everything we can to tear down negative gender barriers while at the same time building and maintaining healthy sexual boundaries. We can do this by taking the following steps.

Understand God’s Perspective

The Bible is clear that God created men and women sexually distinct from one another, but the Bible is also clear there is to be no distinction between men and women in His kingdom economy. Even in Old Testament times when women were often mistreated and not properly esteemed, the promise of God was, “I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days” (Joel 2:28,29).

In the New Testament, Jesus included and empowered women in His ministry. The Day of Pentecost fulfilled God’s promise, and subsequently the Early Church evidenced God’s blessing and calling on women in every level of church ministry. The Apostle Paul is clear that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). At the same time, the Bible is clear in many passages that God’s rules for healthy sexual boundaries are necessary for personal and social integrity.

Historically, the Church has often misrepresented and misapplied God’s view of sexuality. It has not done well in defining and distinguishing between gender and sexual boundaries. Even when well intentioned, the Church has established gender boundaries that separated men and women by imposing stringent sexual boundaries. The result was that women were usually excluded from many church rights, privileges, and ministry opportunities.

Understand Our Own Sexuality

To establish proper gender and sexual boundaries, we must distinguish between our own sexuality and our sexual behavior. Each of us has God-given sexuality, but we are to be sexual with only our mate. God created us with an awareness of our own sexuality, and an awareness and interest in the sexuality of members of the opposite sex. To properly respond to this sexual awareness, it is necessary to define what is a normal, healthy, God-given sex drive and what is temptation and lust.

• Sexual awareness and interest is God-given and normal.
• Temptation is when we imagine and visualize inappropriate sexual behavior.
• Lust is when sex motivates our thinking and controls our behavior.

We sin when we do not resist temptation and risk being enslaved by lust. Temptation is abundant in our society, which flaunts sexual immorality, and lustful living is portrayed as the norm.

Most sexual sin is not only sexually problematic but is symptomatic of some personality dysfunction. Sexual misbehavior is closely related to issues of control and authority. When sex is used to manipulate, coerce, and intimidate others, it is a misuse of power that stems from insecurity. When insecure, there is often a need to control and exert authority over others. Unfortunately, it appears that some people in the church have imposed rules and regulations on others in an attempt to deal with their own frustrations.

Dysfunctional people behave in dysfunctional ways and produce dysfunctional families, social structures, and even churches. This destructive cycle can be broken when individuals determine, with God’s help, to become more functional in their behavior and to build healthy families. One of the characteristics of a healthy family is healthy sexuality.

Teach Biblical Models

The biblical stories of Joseph and David give us insight into the nature of human sexuality. Joseph’s story is one of sexual integrity at the expense of his job and personal freedom, but David’s story is one of sexual failure and its terrible life-long consequences.

Joseph’s Story

“Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, ‘Come to bed with me!’ But he refused. ‘With me in charge,’ he told her, ‘my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?’ And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her” (Genesis 39:6-10).

Joseph made a decision out of his personal integrity. It is likely that his master’s wife was tempting, and perhaps no one would have ever found out his sin. But Joseph would know and God would know. Joseph is a good example of both a sexually disciplined mind and a life blessed by choosing to rely on God’s enabling power.

David’s Story

“One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, ‘Isn’t this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?’ Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her” (2 Samuel 11:2-4).

David’s problem was as much about control and authority as it was about undisciplined sexual desire. He misused his kingly position and power to get what he wanted at any cost, including murder.

Understand the Implications and Consequences of Sexual Misconduct

David’s misconduct indicates more than a personality defect. His actions altered his core values and created a permanent character flaw. Lying to others and willfully deceiving them alters our character. Dr. Richard Dobbins, founder of Emerge Ministries, says that a sexual affair of even six months will usually alter a person’s character to the point that full rehabilitation and restoration may not be possible. Sin can be forgiven, but sometimes character is weakened and flawed for life.

We are responsible for our own spiritual and sexual well-being and behavior. The Bible is clear that there are appropriate sexual boundaries necessary to maintain personal and community sexual purity. We must properly distinguish between gender boundaries and healthy sexual boundaries or we will become vulnerable to manipulating, intimidating, and coercing others.

But as serious and damaging as sexual misconduct is, it is not a reason to impose arbitrary gender boundaries that discriminate against and mistreat others.

Realize That Sexual Abuse is Not Always Physical

When sexual boundaries are imposed as gender boundaries and limit God’s call to service and ministry, that is wrong. It is an abuse of others and an abuse of God’s intended purpose for men and women in His kingdom.

Difficulty often arises when one person feels sexually attracted to another person and imposes ministry limits on everyone else of the same gender. For example: If a person feels sexual attraction toward a person other than his mate, he may impose social interaction and/or ministry limits on all members of the opposite sex. It would be better if he acknowledged his temptation problem, asked God to help him, and limited his interaction with that person. To impose ministry limitations on others because of his own problem becomes gender and sexual discrimination, and that violates the biblical principle that men and women are equal in ministry.

Establish Healthy Sexual Boundaries

Eliminating gender barriers does not give us the privilege of minimizing sexual boundaries. We are still obligated to maintain healthy sexual boundaries such as not being alone with, travel with, or discuss intimate issues with a member of the opposite sex. Sexual attraction is a powerful force, but the disciplined mind with the aid of the Holy Spirit is a greater force.

What should you do when you sense sexual attraction toward another person other than your mate?

1. Acknowledge the reality of your feelings and immediately refuse to entertain any fantasizing thoughts. Acknowledging the attraction helps disarm the situation in your mind. Denial and repression delay properly dealing with the feelings and will perpetuate the situation.
2. Reaffirm to yourself that you cannot afford lustful thoughts.
3. Visualize in your mind the consequences of misconduct to yourself, your family, the other person, and his or her family.
4. Ask God to cleanse your mind and help you to follow these steps every time you are tempted.

Take Actions Steps

You can be proactive in tearing down gender barriers and building healthy sexual barriers by taking the following self-examination.

1. What gender barriers am I contributing to?
2. What can I do immediately to change my attitude and behavior?
3. Am I disciplined in my sexuality?
4. What thought patterns and mental habits can I change to better guard against sexual temptation?

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