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His Call, My Journey

By Paula Mickley Ireland

“When I grow up, I want to be a missionary or a nurse.” I was sifting through a box of my parents’ keepsakes when I rediscovered these words scrawled in my second-grade handwriting. I smiled in amusement — I didn’t miss it by far! I have been involved in medical missions with Assemblies of God World Missions for the past 13 years. And the journey has been incredible.

As I reflect about how the call of God has unfolded in my life, I realize what a sovereign, subtle, and often surprising journey it has been. There have been no audible voices or great visions, and few dramatic moments. Instead, there has been a growing recognition of His wonderful voice, coming most often through His Word, or through a song, a prayer, or the words of a friend. That voice has invited me over and over to trust and follow Him, and join in what He is doing.

Really, it’s just a story about God’s incredible grace. My parents dedicated me to the Lord before I was born. After losing two babies prematurely, my mother was rushed to the hospital in labor with me 6 months into her pregnancy. “Lord, if you will just let this child live,” my parents prayed, “we will give her to You for whatever You choose.” From my earliest days, I sensed that my life was not my own.

I grew up in a preacher’s home, loved and mentored by wonderful, godly parents and grandparents. We hosted missionary guests regularly, and I was enthralled by their stories. As long as I can remember, I wanted to be a missionary. While some people point to a dramatic “call to ministry,” for me there was just an ever present, growing desire to point people to the Lord Jesus, and especially, those who had never heard.

But, was I really “called,” or was missions just my own idea? As I wrestled with this question as a young teenager, God used Isaiah 6 and the writings of Oswald Chambers to speak to my heart. God did not ask, “Isaiah, will you go for us?” but rather, “who will go for us?” It was an open invitationencountered in the holy presence of God. Chambers writes, “If we let the Spirit of God bring us face-to-face with God, we too shall hear something akin to what Isaiah heard, the still small voice of God; and in perfect freedom will say, “Here am I, send me” (My Utmost for His Highest, p. 14).

Having accepted this wonderful invitation, and of course not having a clue what it really involved, I struggled with my qualifications to serve God in this way. During my junior year of high school, I joined a youth outreach to Guadalajara, Mexico. God used this experience to help me look beyond myself, and to focus instead on His great love for the hurting people in that city. I discovered for the first of a thousand other times that God delights in using the humble, the weak, the willing, and obedient to join Him in His work. I also had my first taste of the pain in God’s heart for lost and suffering people, and the depth of His unfathomable love for them. I was blown away.

During my college years, more ministry opportunities at home and abroad confirmed to me that God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I earned a BS degree in physical therapy, and later a Masters in Public Health and International Health, believing God could use these skills in medical missions. Following graduation, I worked for 4 years to pay off my school loans, develop skills in my new profession, and gain valuable ministry experience in my local church. It seemed like such a long time, yet I knew the voice of Jesus was telling me to trust Him for His leading.

Again and again, He encouraged me through His Word. “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”(John 14:5, NIV). I identified with Thomas’ confusion and his desperate desire to know what was ahead. And Jesus’ response came so powerfully to my heart — “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (John 14:6, NIV).I realized I didn’t have to know where I was going in order to know the way. Loving, trusting and following Jesus would keep me on the way, and He would take me wherever He chose. So I learned a vital lesson in surrendering my expectations to the Lord.

I say this with conviction — when God is ready to take us in a new direction, He knows how to get our attention. The Lord opened the door for me to serve as a missionary associate with the Assemblies of God HealthCare Ministries, and I knew that opportunity was His “yes.” In the following 5 years, I traveled all over the world with medical evangelism teams, experiencing firsthand the life-transforming and healing power of Jesus in the face of human suffering such as I had never seen. It was a season where in His grace, God worked in me to identify more deeply with His heart, His interests, and His compassion. He “spoiled me for the ordinary” and stretched me far beyond my comfort zone. I came to know that for me, there was no going back from full-time vocational ministry. With the encouragement of my family and friends, I received full appointment as a missionary with Assemblies of God World Missions.

Here’s a profound thought: The called of God are inevitably the stretched of God. The thought of public speaking and itinerating as a single person was terrifying to me, but that is precisely what I had to do. Amazingly, God’s grace shined again. I discovered a passion for preaching, and a deeper dependency on the Faithful One.

Another big detour lay just ahead. HealthCare Ministries sent me on a short assignment to Zambia in southern Africa. During my visit there, God put upon my heart an inescapable burden for Zambia, and an indescribable desireto return to work there. The desire was so great I wondered if it was really of God! It seems ridiculous, but sometimes we subconsciously think if we really want something, it must not be God’s will. This was another opportunity to surrender my desire to the Lord, and watch in amazement as He opened wide the door for me to move to Zambia. It was another of God’s marvelous “yeses!”

The years spent ministering alongside God’s people in Zambia have been among the very best in my life. I have learned more, given more, and received more than I could ever express. I wept at the bedside of a dear friend dying of AIDS and knelt in speechless wonder as I witnessed God’s resurrection power bring a dead baby back to life. His call, His heart is so much bigger than we can imagine.

The call of God is about hearing the voice of God. Moreover, it’s about God giving us the capacity to hear His voice, know His heart, and join Him in His work of bringing hope and wholeness to the world. It’s not so much about a specific place or assignment as it is about the heart of God. Everything else changes, but the Caller does not change. He invites us to absolute surrender, no-strings-attached obedience, and complete confidence in himself to join Him in the work He is already doing.

“I am going to prove myself to you,” the Lord whispered into my heart one evening on the brink of what seemed an impossible undertaking. Without the slightest reservation, I can say my Heavenly Father has proved himself to me over and over again, always exceeding my expectations, always revealing His strength in my weakness. He surprised me again in December 2003, at the end of a year of itineration. Days before returning to Zambia for my second term of ministry, I was introduced to Jerry Ireland, my future husband.

Getting married at age 39 was possibly the biggest step of faith I had yet taken. And how unimaginably wonderful it has been! Now, we are discovering the call of God together. We are returning to Zambia, full of expectancy for what God has in store.

I used to worry because I could not articulate a detailed and exciting vision from God, some great and humanly impossible task I had been specifically assigned. When others would speak of their vision from God, I would feel like a second-rate Christian — what is my vision? That vision, I have come to realize, is something God has graciously been cultivating in me throughout my life. It is not a vision of a specific task, or need, or nation. It is rather a vision of two precious realities: Our Lord Jesus, and the people around me. By His grace I have come to see Jesus in His deep brokenness over the lost and suffering and in His gracious work of making people whole. Only by His grace, He is helping me to see people through His eyes as His precious treasures.

Embracing His call is a pathway I am committed to pursuing until I stand before Him. I’ve given up the notion that I have any clue as to what lies up the road. Quite likely, it will be different and more difficult than what I might have chosen. And ultimately, it will be far better than my expectations, “immeasurably more than we could ask for or imagine.”

Wherever we are on the journey, God invites us to taste more of His grace, bear more of His burdens, and prove more of His “good and pleasing and perfect will.” He invites us to walk with Him into the unknown, into the realm of childlike faith and expectancy.

To my sisters in Christ who are also finding their way along this path of His call, I offer these simple words: Don’t try to figure out all the who’s, what’s and where’s. Don’t worry about missing the will of God, or about your own fears and inadequacies. In the dailyness of life, and in the holy moments, let the Spirit of God touch your ears and your eyes. There is a call for you, and a vision — of Him, for His masterpieces. “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose” (Philippians 2:13). Mary had the right response: “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38).

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